by: Justin Dunio (@JDunio)
The Pittsburgh Pirates received devastating news today. The organization’s long-tenured mascot, The Pirate Parrot, informed the club that he would like to be released or traded. The Parrot stated he can no longer endure the losing culture the organization has created. Informing the Pirates management was difficult for him. We caught up with the Parrot, who spoke through a translator.
“It’s simply time for a change. I’ve been a member of the organization for 33 years and we are currently riding a 20-year consecutive losing streak. Also, the Twins offered me way more money. Who knew this job could actually feed my family by itself! I can finally stop stealing seed from Petland!” Twins officials couldn’t confirm how they are going to explain the use of a parrot mascot to their fans.
The Pirate Parrot debuted on April 1, 1979. In his first season, the Pirates went on to win the World Series. When asked about leaving such a storied franchise, the Parrot said, “Storied franchise? We went from being (We are Family) in 1979 to (We are a Foster Family) since then”.
Update: Petland read this article and the Parrot has been arrested for larceny. His trial is set for January of 2013.