by: Justin Dunio Francisco Liriano reportedly has a labrum tear in his overworked right shoulder from attempting to become an ambidextrous pitcher. Desperate to return to relevance, Liriano was willing to try anything. Liriano was among the league leaders in ERA in 3 of his first 4 seasons and was one of the top young pitchers in the league. However, injuries have hampered Liriano and his stats have been unimpressive to say the least the last few years. We caught
Pirates discussing Giancarlo Stanton with Marlins
by: Justin Dunio The Pirates have the framework of a deal in place to acquire Giancarlo Stanton from the Miami Marlins. However, the Pirates have made a strange request that seems to be preventing the deal from culminating. The Pirates have offered Luis Heredia, Jameson Taillon, and Josh Bell for Stanton. In order to complete the deal, Neal Huntington has requested that Stanton “drop the Giancarlo bullshit.” In an interview with The Pierogi, Huntington said, “Mike Stanton had a good
Liriano: no-pressure culture in Pittsburgh is awesome
by: Justin Dunio The Pittsburgh Pirates announced today that the team signed veteran starting pitcher Francisco Liriano to a 2 year, 12.75 million dollar contract. It’s been a few years since Liriano was a dominating Major League pitcher, but the Pirates organization felt he was still worth a contract above his market value. When asked about joining the Pirates, Liriano said, “The no-pressure culture in Pittsburgh is awesome. I spoke with Clint Hurdle before signing and he assured me that
Tomlin blames poor play on end of the world
by: Justin Dunio The Pittsburgh Steelers have some work to do to salvage the 2012 football season. The team has last 4 of their last 5 games, but can still squeak into the playoffs by winning their final two games. However, the team appears to be playing with a total lack of effort and focus. Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin claims the impending end of the world has a lot to do with their lack of success. The Pierogi interviewed
Mendenhall blames no-show on tryptophan
by: Justin Dunio Steelers running back Rashard Mendenhall has been suspended one game for conduct detrimental to the team. Mendenhall reportedly was not present for the San Diego game after being informed by Mike Tomlin that he wouldn’t be on the active roster for the game. Mendenhall claims that the incident is a big misunderstanding. “Since I was not going to be playing the game, I figured I’d arrive at the stadium close to game time. I sat down on
Jay Bell reconsidering hitting coach position
by: Justin Dunio Pittsburgh Pirates hitting coach, Jay Bell, mentioned today that he is reconsidering his position with the club during an interview on 93.7 The Fan. “I was absolutely stunned when I was offered the position and said yes without really thinking about it. Didn’t really understand why a real baseball team would think I could actually help them. Anyways, now that I’m looking at this team I’m kind of worried that this is a lose-lose situation.” During his
Commissioner Goodell proposes ban on footballs
by: Justin Dunio NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell announced today a plan to outlaw the use of footballs in the NFL. In a statement released to the press, Goodell said, “The number one cause of concussions and head trauma in the NFL today is attirbuted to players hitting the ball carrier. Quite simply, removing the ‘ball’ from the ‘ball carrier’ will drastically improve player safety.” Goodell followed that statement by saying that he has two primary concerns in the NFL: Player
Pirates to scrap Zoltan – replace with middle finger
by: Justin Dunio The Pirates’ Zoltan “Z” was born when Rod Barajas belted a game winning home run at PNC Park against the visiting Washington Nationals in early May of the 2012 season. As he rounded 3rd base, his Pirate teammates were waiting for him at home plate – each of them flashing the “Z”. The “Z” developed a cult-like following and Pirates players continued flashing the “Z” for the remainder of the season every time one of them would
Pirates to retire Kris Benson’s #34
by: Justin Dunio The Pittsburgh Pirates announced today their plan to retire, ex-Pirate, Kris Benson’s #34. Neal Huntington says Kris Benson was an integral part of the Pirate organization from 1999 to 2004. “In MLB standards, Kris was a sub-par starting pitcher,” said Pirates GM Neal Huntington, “but, in Pirates standards, Kris is one of the best we’ve had in the last decade. We’ve had some really shitty pitchers here, and Kris is one that stands out as sort of
Hurdle to undergo jaw replacement surgery
by: Justin Dunio Clint Hurdle, the gum-chewing skipper of the Pittsburgh Pirates, is scheduled for jaw replacement surgery after obtaining a second opinion from the cousin of renowned Dr. James Andrews, Dr. Andrew A. Andrews, who specializes in jaw and toe surgeries. Hurdle’s injury is a result of years of excessive chewing of large quantities of bubble gum. Dr. Andrew A. Andrews also says that Hurdle’s rare case of purple-skin-when-angry-in-itis contributed to the damage done to his jaw. Hurdle admittedly
