The Pierogi stumbled across the resume of Pirates General Manager Neal Huntington. Huntington gave up permission to post it with a smile.
Neal Huntington
Previous Employement:
- Pittsburgh Pirates, GM – please consider more than wins and losses when determining qualification for current position applying for
- Cleveland Indians – remember I was just an assistant here…not my fault
- Filene’s Basement – retail chain in New England… Regional Manager: specializing in markdown sales/discontinued merchandise/knock off brands. Great shopping for those who desire to “look” like they can afford the brand name items (Polo, Tommy, Liz, etc) but without having to even pay Walmart prices!
Additional Skill Set:
- Watched movie MoneyBall – admittedly will have to watch in couple more times….very confusing movie. Who writes this stuff anyway…Hollywood should get their facts straight…does Oakland even have a major league team?? C’mon.
- Extreme Coupon Shopper – I can save money like nobody else. Just ask Bob!
- Gifted Ventriloquist – great at parties! I can say whatever you want me to say and do it so that it looks like you are not even moving your lips…gets a lot of great laughs. (wait a sec…if YOU are not moving your lips, and I AM the one doing the talking does that make YOU the ventriloquist?? and if so doesn’t that make ME the … ?)
- Talent Evaluater – Andy LaRoche, Brandon Moss, Lastings Milledge, Ross Ohlendorf, Jeff Clement, Tim Alderson, Eric Hinske, Rinku Singh, Ronny Cedeno, Dinesh Patel… do you really need me to go on?
Educational Background:
Graduated valedictorian from the Nutting School of Obedience
Calls for references may be made to one Robert Nutting (724-555-1111)
If he can’t be reached at his office he may be reached at Seven Springs
Thank you for considering me for the job!! (I have never made french fries before or flipped meat [unless you count the Jason Bay trade of course])
